#<128#>DOS Beer
Requires you to use your own can opener, and that you read the
directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8oz can, but now comes in
a 16oz can. The can is divided into eight compartments of 2oz each, which have to be
accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it
after it's no longer available.
Macintosh Beer
At first came only in a 16oz can, but now comes in a 32oz can.
Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge,
it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you
are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the
trash can.
Windows 3.1 Beer
The world's most popular beer. Comes in a 16oz can that looks
a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink
several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very
slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for no
apparent reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.
Windows 95 Beer
Only just out, Windows 95 Beer looks a lot like Mac Beer but
tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32oz cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have
16oz of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their
friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small
print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS Beer, even though the manufacturer
claims that this is an entirely new brand.
OS/2 Beer
Comes in a 32oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers
simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too, but somewhat slower.
Advertises that the cans won't explode when you open them, even if you shake them up. You never see
anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing) claims
that 9 million six-packs have been sold.
Windows NT Beer
Comes in a 32oz cans, but you can only buy it by the truck load. This causes most people to have to
go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows
3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's.
Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars.
Unix Beer
This very heavy beer comes in 32oz cans, and has been around
for years, rumour has it that it was originally brewed as a hoax by a couple of bored workers, only for
them to find that some people actually liked the stuff. It tends to be drunk only by freaks or
eccentric academics, often with beards; and drinkers of it do not like drinkers of any other beer. In
its basic form it doesn't look particularly impressive, but with the addition of a magic ingredient
named "X", it can be converted into an all-singing all-dancing beer on a par with the others. Many
other varieties exist, with a huge range of flavours and (often unpronounceable) ingredients. It
must be stressed, however, that even then it is strictly an acquired taste.